A moment of frustration

Just an emotional rant. A moment of frustration, and just being down and overwhelmed.

I feel overwhelmed and not really in the best kind of way. I came into this thinking I knew what I was doing, but instead I'm realizing I didn't know a single thing at all besides how to write a book.

I have no network, no friends, no support system, and I'm completely invisible. And it's my fault. I reach out, but with no presence, I'm ignored. And that's completely fair.

I set myself up with so many deadlines this year that I'm focused on meeting deadlines and lack the time to engage and build a network.

I'm sinking and I think I've already created a negative taste in people's mouths before I've even had a chance to say hello and I'm afraid it'll be too late to go back and fix that by the time I get my last book for this year submitted.

Honestly, as a person, I have never known how to connect with people. I've never left an impression, and I've never been very likeable. I think that's primarily why I've reached a point where if it weren't for my kids and my day job, I probably wouldn't even leave my house anymore.

I have acquaintances but no friends, family but no connection. And it's because I don't know how to talk to people, I don't know how to connect with people. I'm filled with awkward silences and an inability to talk to people. And I feel like despite trying to keep my wayward personality seperate from my attempts to market my books, that it has somehow still leaked through.

And then this recurring thought circles because I'm hoping that the problem really is just me, and not that my books are absolute sh*t. I feel that they aren't, but then again I can't even make a normal human connection so what do I know, you know?

And while I know this all sounds really depressing and like I'm throwing in the towel and giving up, I'm really not. I think this is just one of those days where everything just feels really hard and I'm having a hard time with motivation.

As far as my books are concerned:

I have My Beau which I'm lacking confidence in and really thinking about pulling it down and re-writing it. Maybe taking the first chapters which are primarily inner monologuing and re-writing it to space the inner monologuing out. I'm not ready to give up on Matteo and Beau completely yet. I just think I didn't give them a good narration and need to take another approach to it.

Soulmate Cravings Duology is available for purchase right now and one of my proudest accomplishments.

And then I'm still working on getting There's Snow Place Like Home for the Holidays finished. I'm planning on posting some blurbs and teasers after Halloween.

Coming back at this for next year's plan of attack. I need to focus more on networking so I'm not going to set deadlines. I have the re-write for My Beau and a three-to-four book series planned for next year, but I'm not going to release dates until I'm far enough in the project to not have to completely submerge in writing to make it and neglect the other sides of marketing.

So all in all, this was a vent post. And hopefully, things will take a better turn and somewhere along the line I'll realize that maybe the problem wasn't me as a person, just me as a scheduler and multitasker.